Missing Her

Tuesday, November 16, 2021

Not long after Athena was put to sleep a condolence card from the vet's office arrived. It was signed by the office staff and had a personal not from the doctor who performed the euthanasia. It said, "Dale and Joe, We are so sorry for your loss of Athena.. I'm sure you know how much she was loved around here and it was clear how very loved she was at home. I am honored to have gotten to know her. You will be in our thoughts - please reach out if you need anything." The pre-printed message in the card was, "May the thoughts and memories in your heart be bright and bring you comfort." They are and they have. I've found myself looking at pictures of her quite a bit. 

Also, with the card came the above insert. I hear sounds now and then in the house and for a brief moment I think it's her. I miss her so very much. I became quite ill this past Saturday and spent the weekend recovering. I went in for a Covid test on Sunday, took Monday and today off. Spending time alone in the house makes her absence more pronounced. I had a dream about her the other morning. In it Athena was walking. My view of her was from above. She was alone and didn't have a leash on. She seemed unaware of me and just kept walking. Then, I woke up.  

Reminders

Sunday, November 7, 2021

Reminders of our loss are everywhere. We haven't been able to put away her water bowl and food dish. We try to open the door to leave the house to go to work in the morning and are startled it's still locked. Her Kong bone is still on the floor in the living room. The ottoman she used to help her climb up on the couch the last couple years is unused. We walk by the bedroom and she's not on our bed. Every walk we take feels lonely. Her extended leash is still on the floor of the car from the last car ride she took to the vet on the last day of her life. She's not there when we sit in the back yard. So much sadness yet I'm willing to feel it. The pain of her loss only magnifies the joy of when she was with us and the memories of her. I can't say it enough, Athena: I miss you. 

From Dale's Blog

Sunday, November 7, 2021

Dale posted the following to his blog on October 30, 2021:

One Week Ago

Friday, November 5, 2021

One week ago tonight Dale and I returned from taking Athena to the vet. Our house felt empty of her physical presence but we both became aware independent of each other how filled the house seemed to be of her spirit. We don't have the best lighting in our home but yet somehow the space felt full of brightness, and warmth. We mentioned it to each other as we laid in bed before going to sleep. We each thought we had been imagining it. Her presence felt real and it was like she was watching over us. 

Our neighbors from across the alley, Mike & Sarah and their two little kids, stopped over tonight to drop of some flowers. One of the children said, "We're sorry about your dog," and then handed me the flowers. It was so touching. 

Goodbye, My Love

Friday, October 29, 2021

Dale picked me up at 3 pm from school. This gave me an hour with Athena before having to get her to the vet. She was on our bed we we got home. I sat next to her and she put her head on my leg. We sat for about 15 minutes. She moved to her bed in the living room and I sat with her there for a while. She was calm and seemed very peaceful.

When we got to Minnehaha they had the room set up with the lights dimmed, soft piano music playing, and an imitation candle "burning." The vet tech and doctor were very kind and understanding.

The doctor explained how it would play out and left us for a while. She told us to crack the door when we were ready. When she came back she gave Athena a sedative shot and left us with a peanut butter compote and a cheese whiz compote for her to lick while the sedative kicked in. She left again to allow us some time to be with her and then came back. It was so sad yet peaceful and gentle. Despite the sadness both Dale and I were so grateful to be with her as she transitioned. 

Farewell, my sweet Athena. I loved you so much and I always will. I'll never forget you. You'll be in my heart forever. 

Athena in 2015

Tough Morning

Friday, October 29, 2021

When Dale brought Athena back in this morning after her morning walk and told me she hadn't gotten anything out we knew the Miralax wasn't working and that we had to make a decision. The mass is growing much faster than expected keeping her at home over the weekend wasn't wise. She'd just grow more and more uncomfortable through the weekend without getting anything out. The vet informed us of a service that will come to your home to euthanize but Dale and I don't want her to be uncomfortable any longer than necessary. Dale dropped me off at school and then called the vet. He got an appointment for Athena at 4:30. 

From a photo of Athena taken in 2016

Miralax

Wednesday, October 27, 2021

We started mixing Miralax, a stool softener, into some wet food for Athena. Hopefully this will allow her to get some poop out more easily and buy us some time so we can say goodbye to her over the weekend. 

Athena's Appointment

Wednesday, October 27, 2021

Athen's appointment didn't go well. They took x-rays and found a large mass which is making is difficult for her to pass bowel movements. It seems to be growing quickly based on when we first noticed what she was passing began to be misshapen. The surgery to remove the mass would be invasive and we don't want to do that to her. She's 14+ years old and we've decided her time has come. They recommended a stool softener which may help her eliminate a bit more easily which may allow us to keep her through the weekend. My heart is breaking. We love her so much. 

Vet Appointment

Monday, October 25, 2021

Athena's still having trouble with her bowel movements. Dale called the vet today and got an appointment for her on Wednesday of this week.