Missing Her

Tuesday, November 16, 2021

Not long after Athena was put to sleep a condolence card from the vet's office arrived. It was signed by the office staff and had a personal not from the doctor who performed the euthanasia. It said, "Dale and Joe, We are so sorry for your loss of Athena.. I'm sure you know how much she was loved around here and it was clear how very loved she was at home. I am honored to have gotten to know her. You will be in our thoughts - please reach out if you need anything." The pre-printed message in the card was, "May the thoughts and memories in your heart be bright and bring you comfort." They are and they have. I've found myself looking at pictures of her quite a bit. 

Also, with the card came the above insert. I hear sounds now and then in the house and for a brief moment I think it's her. I miss her so very much. I became quite ill this past Saturday and spent the weekend recovering. I went in for a Covid test on Sunday, took Monday and today off. Spending time alone in the house makes her absence more pronounced. I had a dream about her the other morning. In it Athena was walking. My view of her was from above. She was alone and didn't have a leash on. She seemed unaware of me and just kept walking. Then, I woke up.  

Reminders

Sunday, November 7, 2021

Reminders of our loss are everywhere. We haven't been able to put away her water bowl and food dish. We try to open the door to leave the house to go to work in the morning and are startled it's still locked. Her Kong bone is still on the floor in the living room. The ottoman she used to help her climb up on the couch the last couple years is unused. We walk by the bedroom and she's not on our bed. Every walk we take feels lonely. Her extended leash is still on the floor of the car from the last car ride she took to the vet on the last day of her life. She's not there when we sit in the back yard. So much sadness yet I'm willing to feel it. The pain of her loss only magnifies the joy of when she was with us and the memories of her. I can't say it enough, Athena: I miss you. 

From Dale's Blog

Sunday, November 7, 2021

Dale posted the following to his blog on October 30, 2021:

One Week Ago

Friday, November 5, 2021

One week ago tonight Dale and I returned from taking Athena to the vet. Our house felt empty of her physical presence but we both became aware independent of each other how filled the house seemed to be of her spirit. We don't have the best lighting in our home but yet somehow the space felt full of brightness, and warmth. We mentioned it to each other as we laid in bed before going to sleep. We each thought we had been imagining it. Her presence felt real and it was like she was watching over us. 

Our neighbors from across the alley, Mike & Sarah and their two little kids, stopped over tonight to drop of some flowers. One of the children said, "We're sorry about your dog," and then handed me the flowers. It was so touching. 

Goodbye, My Love

Friday, October 29, 2021

Dale picked me up at 3 pm from school. This gave me an hour with Athena before having to get her to the vet. She was on our bed we we got home. I sat next to her and she put her head on my leg. We sat for about 15 minutes. She moved to her bed in the living room and I sat with her there for a while. She was calm and seemed very peaceful.

When we got to Minnehaha they had the room set up with the lights dimmed, soft piano music playing, and an imitation candle "burning." The vet tech and doctor were very kind and understanding.

The doctor explained how it would play out and left us for a while. She told us to crack the door when we were ready. When she came back she gave Athena a sedative shot and left us with a peanut butter compote and a cheese whiz compote for her to lick while the sedative kicked in. She left again to allow us some time to be with her and then came back. It was so sad yet peaceful and gentle. Despite the sadness both Dale and I were so grateful to be with her as she transitioned. 

Farewell, my sweet Athena. I loved you so much and I always will. I'll never forget you. You'll be in my heart forever. 

Athena in 2015

Tough Morning

Friday, October 29, 2021

When Dale brought Athena back in this morning after her morning walk and told me she hadn't gotten anything out we knew the Miralax wasn't working and that we had to make a decision. The mass is growing much faster than expected keeping her at home over the weekend wasn't wise. She'd just grow more and more uncomfortable through the weekend without getting anything out. The vet informed us of a service that will come to your home to euthanize but Dale and I don't want her to be uncomfortable any longer than necessary. Dale dropped me off at school and then called the vet. He got an appointment for Athena at 4:30. 

From a photo of Athena taken in 2016

Miralax

Wednesday, October 27, 2021

We started mixing Miralax, a stool softener, into some wet food for Athena. Hopefully this will allow her to get some poop out more easily and buy us some time so we can say goodbye to her over the weekend. 

Athena's Appointment

Wednesday, October 27, 2021

Athen's appointment didn't go well. They took x-rays and found a large mass which is making is difficult for her to pass bowel movements. It seems to be growing quickly based on when we first noticed what she was passing began to be misshapen. The surgery to remove the mass would be invasive and we don't want to do that to her. She's 14+ years old and we've decided her time has come. They recommended a stool softener which may help her eliminate a bit more easily which may allow us to keep her through the weekend. My heart is breaking. We love her so much. 

Vet Appointment

Monday, October 25, 2021

Athena's still having trouble with her bowel movements. Dale called the vet today and got an appointment for her on Wednesday of this week. 

Cocktail Time

Friday, October 22, 2021

I bought this glass about 5 years ago because of the black lab on it. It's one of my favorites especially for making cocktails. Dale and I watched a couple of old spooky movies tonight on Turner Classic Movies. Once dinner's over we all settle in to our spots. Dale on the couch, I in my chair, and Athena on her dog bed. The sound of her breathing is very comforting. 

More Concern

Friday, October 22, 2021

We're monitoring Athena. She also seems to be having troubling with her bowel movements. They're coming out strangely formed; flat on one side actually. We're concerned there may be some kind of blockage. We've also realized she may not have a urinary tract infection. She may be straining so hard to eliminate her poop that she's pushing urine out instead. We'll continue to keep an eye on her. 

Photos here are from Athena's afternoon walk and were taken at about 3:30. The sun is so much lower in the sky for this time of day than even just a couple weeks are so ago and casting long shadows. 

I love walking with Athena and fall is a particularly beautiful time to do so. 

Change in Plans

Thursday, October 21, 2021

Dale and I had intended to go up to Madeline Island this weekend so he could attend to some work issues. However, we're concerned Athena may have a bladder infection as it seems hard for her to eliminate her urine. Because of this we've decided to stay in town. Dale will probably make the trip on his own and just do an overnight sometime this coming week. 

I took the above picture of the full moon on Athena's evening walk. If you look carefully in the front window you can see Dale placing the ottoman in front of the couch to make it easier for Athena to climb up on the couch overnight if she so chooses. We place it in front of our bed during the rest of the day so it's easier for her to climb up there. 

From Dale's blog, dated today:

Happy Hour on the Porch with Athena

Monday, October 4, 2021

Athena make a good happy hour companion. 

Cigar in the Yard with Athena at My Side

Sunday, September 26, 2021

It's always nice to have Athena close by. 

Walking Athena

Saturday, September 25, 2021

Early morning walks with Athena.

Back Window Again

Another photo of Athena at the back window from earlier this month. 

Full Moon

Sunday, September 19, 2021

The moon is full on tomorrow. I got a good look at it shining ever so brightly on Athena’s last walk of the day. 

Back Window

This photo is actually from last week. We got a huge rainstorm which cooled things down quite a bit and allowed us to open the windows. Due to the extreme heat this summer we've been running the air conditioning most days. Athena decided to check things out in the back yard through the bedroom window. 

My Lunch Break

Tuesday, August 31, 2021

I'm back at work setting up my classroom. I came home for lunch and made a chicken sandwich. Here you see Athena looking longingly up at me hoping for a morsel. Not to worry, she got one.  

Hangin' Out with Athena in the Back Yard

Sunday, August 29, 2021

Our girl turned 14 in early August. She's doin' great. We have a neighbor named Kyle who has a black lab named Maggie who is 16!

Where's Athena?

Saturday, July 17, 2021

Beautiful day today. Athen joined me in the backyard. Do you see her in the above picture? (She's in the bottom left corner.)

Humidity is low today but it's supposed to increase quite a bit tomorrow. I thought today would be a better bet for a cigar. 

Still Doing Well

Friday, July 16, 2021

Athena is still doing great. I couldn't be more pleased. This has been a more difficult summer for me than usual due to coming off the pandemic. It seems as if I have butterflies in my stomach almost constantly. I have a hard time relaxing and focusing and get exhausted easily. Leaving the house to go to even the grocery store has become what seems like a monumental event. Athena is such a comfort to me which is why seeing her falter recently was so difficult. 

Eating Roughage

Thursday, July 15, 2021

Athena will often eat grass or leaves when she's having tummy trouble. On occasion she will eat them when she isn't having tummy trouble. She's feeling so much better but she's continuing to eat roughage although I think she's still just instinctively trying to take care of herself. 

It's great to see her feeling better. She's eating heartily and displays more energy on her walks. So happy she's pulled through. 

Continued Progress

Wednesday, July 14, 2021

Woke up this morning to no accidents! Yesterday Athena had a solid poop in the morning and two solid ones in the afternoon.  

Also, yesterday I began mixing dietary care dry food with the wet and she's eating it very eagerly. 

She had a mostly solid poop around 10:00 a.m.

Around noon I called the vet to let them know of Athena's continued improvement and that my main concern, the diarrhea had cleared up. I mentioned I was thinking about cancelling the appointment but was open to keeping it if they thought there was a something for which to check. They left it up to me and I decided to cancel and keep up with the anti-biotic and continued monitoring. 

She ate a cup and a half of her dry dietary care food with no wet for dinner. She had another solid poop at about 6:30. She truly seems to be on the mend.